I went and picked up my parents at the airport yesterday. While driving them home I mentioned that I want to move back to NC. My mother scoffed and basically told me in so many words that I’m too stupid to know what I want. She informed me that rural living is not for me. MY family in NC is selfish and greedy and should I need help, they would abandon me. I’d be lonely with no people around and bored without vast shopping malls to spend my weekends in. If I should get sick a po-dunk hospital wouldn’t be qualified to take care of my needs. By the end of this conversation, I was absolutely seething with rage.
Who the hell does this woman think she is to tell me she knows my mind better than I do? I’d get bored and lonely? Is she fucking kidding me? Outside of work and family – where I’m forced to interact with others, I don’t associate with anyone. And missing malls? I’d rather punch myself in the face until I passed out than go to a mall. I’ve always been that way. She’s badgered me to go with her to them for years and I’ve ALWAYS refused. All I do is sit in my apartment, watch tv, and read. The only difference between what I do here and what I’d do there is that there I could at least go outside and walk around. The weather here is so oppressive that if I step outside, I literally can’t breathe. Even if I wanted to socialize – which I don’t – by the time I get to my car I look like I’ve walked through a monsoon and smell like some barnyard animal. Sexy, no? It’s so hot and oppressive here that I literally cannot get my hair to dry from the months of April to November. She dragged me to this unmitigated hell-hole, kicking and screaming, when I was seven years old. I’ve been miserable all my life, and quite vocal about the fact that I despise Houston and everything in it and for her to tell me that she knows what makes me happy better than I do, I had to walk away before I belted her.
She’s my mother and I’m obligated to love her, but she moved half way across the country to get away from her family. For her to belittle me for wanting to do the same just takes some balls. I won’t move back into my grandfather’s home, not because Mommy knows best, but rather since Mommy owns the land she’ll be in a position to make my life hell. No, I think I need to keep going West. I’ve always thought Seattle was beautiful. As a winter, chilly rainy climes appeal to me. Better ask Mother to make sure that’s what I really want though. “‘eyeroll.”
I’ve decided to cut her out of my life. She’s such a negative influence, always telling me I can’t rather than encouraging me to try. I may love her but she’s pure poison and every time I go around my blood absolutely boils. It’s time I took that rage, focused it and used it to pursue my dreams. I want to succeed and make something of my life out of pure spite.
Family, you can’t live with em, and the law frowns on shooting em. *heavy sigh* Time to take a chill pill and head to work.