I’m feeling a little bit better today. The brutal depression has ebbed a bit. The anxiety is still simmering just below the surface, but my desire for self harm has passed.
Here’s what I’m thinking today: work through a temp agency as a backup receptionist while I work on my writing. I think if I have variety I won’t get bored or tired as quickly. I don’t deal well with boredom. And I’m committed to not doing accounting anymore. I just hate it. It’s too stressful for me anymore.
I really want to work on my writing but I need income too. There’s a lot of research that needs to be done but I realize I just can’t work a normal 8-5. Between the depression and anxiety it takes very little to set me off and I get exhausted so easily. I need to work on my schedule (ie all night) and be able to sleep when I need to (ie all day.)
I love going to the library and book stores. I could easily spend my days lost in books if I didn’t have to work for a living. I see all these interesting titles and can’t help but wonder how I’m going to stand out above the rest. All I can do is keep churning stuff out and hope something sticks. I just have to start doing it. Practice and all that jazz.
I was bad and spent my tax return money on a new computer. My tablet just wasn’t strong enough to do the job. I picked a cheap one, but it’s better than my tablet. The tablet’s nice but it’s a bitch to type on.
So that’s my thought process at the moment. Hopefully I’ll have more good days than bad. Wish me luck!